I lost my best friend in May. Her heart just gave after years of abusing her body. I think it both angers me because she wasn't capable of saving and angry at myself for not saving her. Anger terrifies me.
I have managed to push past that loss for now.
My niece is dying of cancer. She will not make the next two weeks. She's only fucking 14...it's not fucking fair. Her death is so fucking heartbreaking and no child should ever have to go through this.
I'm afraid that I will lose my faith. I am not religious but am very spiritual. I think, without faith, I just might lose my mind. I believe everything happens for a reason but this is just not FUCKING fair.
I can't stop crying. I have been speaking with my sister several times a day and when my niece has energy she talks to me. It's comforting to know she is still in there. With the things happening to her body and knowing she is dying she is still in there.
Due to my own physical health(which I'll explain later) I have not been able to be with her. I will be flying out in a week and a half.
Just, fuck. My poor sister, my poor 11 year old nephew.
